Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
