Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
