You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
