i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
