seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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