I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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