apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
