I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
