Me too!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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