I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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