I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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