I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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