I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
