So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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