Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
