I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He felt like a one man threesome
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
