I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
