hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
