Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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