I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
