he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
