Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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