Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
