I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
