Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
