im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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