Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
