I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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