if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
