Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
