All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
