i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
