Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
