Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My life is pants optional.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
