I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
