Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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