You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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