Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
