So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
