I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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