I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
