Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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