I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
