Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
pray to the hookup gods
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
