im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
