A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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