someone get that fucking seahorse.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
