From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
