At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
