Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
