Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
