i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
