i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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