I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
