yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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