he wants to bone in the snuggie
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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