He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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