and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
