I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
