I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
