dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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