I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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