She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
